Thoughts of Again Birth

by Roshi Hogen Berman

During the late summer of the year 1492, three small sailing vessels, the Santa Maria, Pinta and the Nina, sailed on a westerly course from the shores of Spain into what most men of the time perceived to be a dangerous and unexplored part of the world. One evening, after they had been at sea for several weeks, the Captain - having been plagued by a crew that was frightened and close to mutiny, approached the admiral and asked:

"What shall I say brave Admiral say - if we sight naught but sea at dawn ?"

"Why say - sail on, sail on, sail on and on" the brave Admiral replied.

Admiral Chris Columbus believed, as did most scholars, navigators and astronomers of the day that the world was round. Conversely the masses, particularly the unschooled seamen that manned his three ships, believed that the world was flat. They were afraid that eventually the ship would fall off the edge and they would become a feast for the sea monsters in the region beyond the edge of the world. Thus, the order given without the slightest hesitation by the Admiral to sail on and on -- if land was not sighted by dawn, expressed his bravery in the face of the crew's beliefs and attitude, and also the strength of his convictions that the world was round. Columbus believed he was really taking them on a brave new adventure to find a shorter trade route to the Indies. Without hesitation he shouted to the Captain, "If we sight naught but sea at dawn, why say, sail on, sail on, sail on and on."

For some reason, fifty-five years after learning this bardic tale in the fourth or fifth grade of elementary school, it flashed into my mind at a particularly traumatic time. However, reviewing the incident in hindsight, it appears both applicable and appropriate. At the moment this tale rose from being buried in my subconscious mind to the level of conscious awareness, I was lying in a Hospital bed after experiencing two heart attacks and was scheduled for triple by-pass open-heart surgery the following morning. The Team of Doctors who would be performing the operation were trying to explain what they were going to do and the risks involved. At the same time, as ridiculous as it may seem, my impression was the Nurses were feeding me sedatives to ensure I would understood as little as possible of the Doctors explanations.

When my Cardiologist scheduled this surgery and during his briefings, the thought arose in the forefront of my mind that "I had nothing to lose as a result of this operation." If I did not survive, all suffering in this life cycle would be ended and my migrating consciousness would move on to experience rebirth. Since I believed I had awakened to at least a partial understanding of civilized conduct toward my fellow living beings, had sincerely tried to seek and lead a morally excellent life and had done my best to selflessly provide fiscal and material well being for my wife and children -- I believed the next time around the being that I became would be more civilized and awake than I had been. Truthfully, all things considered -- I did not see how I could offer my family much more than companionship, which has questionable value, by continuing in this life cycle. I was not so self-centered as to think my personal companionship was worth much. In essence, I was more ready to leave than I was eager to stay; thus I had nothing to fear from this major surgery.

Never-the-less, I speculated: "If I were to survive the surgery -- it could mean there were things I had not completed in this life cycle, that is, actions yet to be taken, lessons yet to be learned or perhaps Karmic debt yet to be paid, suffering, happiness or hopefully greater awakeness yet to be experienced." In the case of suffering, survival could mean additional frustrations and unsatisfactoriness in this life and more of the limitations and afflictions of old age. These are not conditions we usually throw up our hands in glee and celebrate. Isn't it strange though that most people do every thing possible to continue on in this life and grasp at old age -- and cling to life -- all the while complaining about how cruel it is?

My belief in the Law of Karma and "what you sow, so shall you reap," allowed me to maintain a positive attitude while I remained conscious, awake and aware. I was happy and willing to accept the outcome, regardless of which way it went. To be candid, I must admit to a certain longing for what I perceived as the next step, the step beyond -- though I realized there probably would be no recollection of this past life. I recall thinking of the poetic tale of Christopher Columbus and his reply - when the Doctor asked if I was ready for the surgery. In essence I replied:

"When the dawn approaches sir, sail on, sail on, sail on and on. Whatever happens, for me it is the first step of another brave new adventure."

Several hours after returning to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit), I became vaguely aware of the nurses standing over me shouting my name and telling me to breathe deeply. I remember experiencing an initial feeling of disappointment and remorse. I became aware I was "still" here in this life cycle -- the wheel had not turned. The thought entered my monkey mind: "Some fool forgot to grease the wheel." It took a while to re-calibrate my Bodhisattva nature. I had to modify my mindset, turning off the thought of migrating and greeting the adventure of a new cycle. I had to recognize and accept the reality that there were things remaining to be done, dues not yet paid or perhaps sentient beings dependent upon me to help them (i.e. point them in the right direction).

Facing the reality of the present time frame, I thought: "Of course. There is only one thing to do. "Sail on, sail on, sail on and on -- things are -- such as they are."

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