Hi Cherry,

My most deepest condolences in the loss of your child. I'm not sure anyone can really make sense of this sort of tragedy so it's probably best you don't try. Try not to dwell on questions which you probably will never be able to answer and trying will only cause you more frustration and pain. Sometimes asking why things like this happen they way they do is asking an imponderable question to which there is no answer.

Instead, of trying to find the sense of it, since that will always evade you, just try to work on overcoming the grief you are feeling from the loss. The loss you can certainly identify with because you are feeling in in every inch of your body.. it's almost tangible to you and therefore it's something you can actually work on.

You didn't mention how long ago you lost your baby but I don't think there's a person on the planet that would suggest that after such a loss you don't have a very good reason for feeling the pain you are feeling. The loss of a child is of the greatest I think anyone can experience but in time we adjust to the loss and can move forward again.

The Buddhist philosophy regarding suffering always comes back to our desires. When we manage to find a release from those desires and accept what 'is' we'll find our suffering will cease. Your pain now is because you so badly desire your baby back and the life that you dreamed for him. You don't want it to be like it 'is' and avoidance to accept how it really 'is' makes it hurt and hurt longer than need be. We all have feelings of sadness and regret after we lose somebody we loved deeply so I don't think that it is unusual for a parent to feel those feelings for a while after the death of a baby but maybe just knowing where your suffering is rooted will help you recognize it, understand it and deal with it better.

Every day, just remind yourself that in time you will adjust to the loss and let it happen gradually... all little every day. You'll get past this, Cherry and be a stronger person on the other side. Our greatest lessons come wrapped in the hardest packages. Try to live your life happily, like you know your son would have wanted for you.

Peace,

Ann

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