Gassho "Myself",I offer you this advise with the deepest empathy as I have also suffered from depression in one form or another since my childhood (I am now 56). I also can have the deepest compassion for you, as I feel what you feel.
I will not pratice "Idiot Compassion" in this case or any other. I cannot tell you everything is going to be just great. I cannot help you by words full of sound and fury. I have to tell you what I truly believe is a problem.
You refer to yourself as "myself" in these posts. If you realize that this self you refer to as yours does not exist that would be a great start. Actually the self, whatever it is for you, is the crux of the problem. You and I are made of five aggregates that combine to be a human being, but no one can find a "Self". "Myself" is your handle? If through study and contemplation you realize and understand that you have no My or Self you will instantly ease the depression you suffer. You seem to be clinging to self and myself. You are not nor will you ever find any pease or serenity in something that does not exist. You are attached and desire a "myself" thinking that will end your suffering. The cause of suffering is desire and attachment, especially to SELF. Desire is the 2nd Noble Truth and the Cause of the first Noble truth that states, "there is suffering". We cannot avoid suffering of many kinds. The first Noble Truth is not as many think
"Life is suffering". We only suffer when we are attached to desires that are at best temporary, for all life is impermanant. There is a CURE for your suffering. The Third Noble Truth states there is a way to end our suffering and that is the Fourth Noble Truth which states if you Understand and live by the Eight Fold Path your suffering is minimized and can end.
It would be helpfull if you really want help to either tell us here or write to me with some basic facts. Are you 15 or 50? Male or Female? Have you studied Buddha Dharma so you know what the Eightfold Path to Nirvana is?
Welcome to this Forum. We all want to help you end this suffering. There are many types of Dukkha (suffering), with a little more help from you many qualified people here can know some specifics and offer support.
Metta,
Richard
